Re-Entry

Returned to Seattle Cancer Care Alliance on Mother's Day, May 8th. Long term follow-up began at SCCA on Monday, May 9th. When I arrived I was angry. Why did I have to interupt my life? My responsibility for family and authority was threatened, felt literally stripped away as the hospital gown was placed in my hand. (who am I kidding? I was chopped liver before the plane landed at SeaTac) "It opens down the back," nurse said. Then, an amazing thing happened. Instead of submitting, I found my voice as the busyness of life with children, shepherding my husband, home making and schedule-keeping fell away. I'm naked again. Vulnerable and unafraid, noticing how far I've come. By invitation, I'm checking in and being checked. Bone marrow biopsy today. I sang my way through it. Knew enough to bring my own sheet music -- The Magnificat from Holden Evening Prayer by Marty Haugen from Luke 1L 46-55. In the bone marrow procedure room, the sterile drape was laid on my hip, the clinician's hands began to probe my back side for what she called "land marks." I could feel my soreness (after all this time) as she found and pressed at my bone marrow biopsy history scared upon my upper butt frame. That was enough for me. I zoned to another planet....."My soul proclaims your greatness, O God, and my spirit rejoices in you. You have looked with love on your servant here, and blessed me all my lief through....." I was laughing. Smiling and singing. Before I knew it, the procedure was over. "I can't believe it is finished," I exclaimed, as the clinician said "we're done." "Do you want me to show you the marrow we collected?" she offered. "No, no." I believe, I believe," I said. "I was told that jiggling or mishandling the sample can lead to a mis-read and scramble of chromozones. Don't show me." I didn't need it but asked for a warm blanket and continued prone, to glout with glee for a few moments. Spa treatment --cookies and juice included.