Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Leaning on Everlasting Arms

Another lumbar puncture. One more bath for the old brain in chemo. Why? Because leukemia tends to hide in the spinal fluid. Six lumbar punctures with chemo injection are recommended post transplant. I completed four before being discharged from Seattle Cancer Care Alliance. Another spinal draw for testing and 5cc of golden-colored Methatrexate into the spinal fluid just in case. I canceled my appointment last week when I woke to a gale and heard the ferries had quit running for the day. Thank goodness for high winds. But, yesterday, there was no putting it off. My appointment was at 11:45 a.m. in Sturgeon Bay with Dr. Jaslowski. I did not want to do. Did not want to go. Monday, the night before my appointment, I asked our kids and Joe to come together for a family meeting. I explained what I was up against and how I had plenty of lumbar punctures before and figured I could get through another one but I was scared and didn't want to go. While I spoke with our family, all of them looking at me and listening, I cried, talking about how I didn't want to go back and feel like a patient and go through another procedure. I got a cushion off the rocker, put it on the floor and knelt, asking them to gather around me and pray. Before I was settled on my knees, a crush of willing kids and husband had surrounded me. Shammond hugged. "Mom, I believe in you," he said. Micala whispered in my ear; "Mom, I'm sorry I yelled at you last night." Korrina gave my fuzz head loving pats. Joshua kissed my cheek. Kayla said "You can do it mom." Joseph whispered, "I'm so proud of you." Steve didn't say much but I noticed that his phone rang and he didn't answer it. When I got up from my knees my tears were gone and I knew I could do this thing. Their prayers and love prepared my way and set my heart.

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