When I left Washington Island for Seattle, I asked Joe to take my suitcase from the second floor bedroom to the car. Time was running out for departure and I noticed that Joe was gone. I had to pick up the children at school and make the last ferry because my flight was the next day at dawn in Green Bay and there was no wiggle room to mess up. I went upstairs and bumped the suite case down one stair after the other, through the kitchen and out the back door, down the steps, holding onto the rail. Getting the bags into the car was difficult but I did it. On my way to the Washington Island School to pick up the girls, I saw Joe's truck at Bread & Water. He was in the parking lot fussing with a cedar tree branch that had swayed out from the tree thatch and bowed to the ground. I figured Joe had to insulate himself from what was happening and this is how he was choosing to do it. I drove on. In the school parking lot, the girls got into the car and we made the boat. Joe showed up at the ferry dock to wave goodbye. I am convinced that if I had not had the three girls on the boat with me I would not have been able to go. I was that scared. Holding onto Korrina ten-year old and kissing the top of her head, I was able to stand on deck and wave goodbye.
Joe is with the three boys on island. It seemed a reasonable plan. Steven, Joshua and Shammond are finishing Washington Island School this week. All three boys are into baseball and soccer. Joshua is fishing in Jackson Harbor. Shammond caught a fly ball at one of the games.
Joe hasn't visited me and he doesn't have plans to. At first, I was real angry. Then, I kept letting go and trying to accept Joe. Today, while I was walking in the hall, I imagined that Joe was coming down the hall toward me. He isn't.
Joe never read my "Keep It Moving" book. He said that it was too difficult to read since the guy I paddled with and wrote about in the book became my husband. O.K. I can accept that. But now, Joe won't read my blog.
On the good nights, I'm reminded that I am sleeping in the arms of God. Faith can see one through cancer and disappointing relationship too.
Boy, this one hurt to read. It's really, really tough when you have a set of expectations, as in a marriage relationship, and the expectations fall far short. You are doing/have done a phenomenal job of building a web of real flesh and blood followers who are holding you in love and prayer. I trust you know this and I believe that count of 450/500 is a direct result of the synergy between you, your docs, your bod, and the communion of saints and believers who are with you day-by-day.
ReplyDeleteCarry on.